With Love

It was just yesterday, it seems
You lay in my arms
The smell of your breath
After bottle is through
Breathing steadily

Kissing your tiny hands
And little bald head
I kept you safe in my arms
No one could harm you

But these arms can't hold you forever
They are way ahead of my heart
Which holds every memory
Especially of you

Taking care of you was easy then
Compared to now
If crying wouldn't end
A bottle was there to save the day

Now that you can talk
So many questions are asked
From your gentle heart
Until now, I've never had to explain 'why'

Can I hold you one more time?
This I ask you every day
I wish you would slow down
Fall asleep in my arms

You are my life
Because of you, I am complete
I pray that you continue to succeed
Never give up

Just one request
From dear ol' mom
Remember to stop
And give hugs along the way

With love

'Till We Meet Again

I wonder what song was sung in heaven

When our first estate was kept

The voices of Angels

Through heaven they swept

Our Heavenly Parents pleased to see

The joy of their children

Who soon will be

Parted to an earthly probation

Where memories will be forgotten

And for some, life will just be

Without belief that we will live on

For eternity

We soon will be singing together again

Until that time comes

A song is kept near

A song, that for now,

Our spirits are singing

For only the Angels to hear

Until our joyous reunion

"God Be With You Till We Meet Again"

Why Am I Smiling?

The radio is turned up, windows rolled down
I can feel the wind blowing through my hair

I am smiling

My 3-yr-old sits in back crying, screaming, kicking
Radio is turned a little higher, wind is still blowing

Me, still smiling

Why do I smile?
Is it because I don't have strength to laugh?
Do I feel joy, or pleasure?
.....None of the above.....

We reach a stoplight, roll windows up
Take a deep breath; why do I feel so calm?

"mommmyyy" "M..O..MM..YYY!!!"

I feel strength; strength only a mother can feel
A certain strength only a mother needs

Destination is reached, FINALLY!!
3-yr-old falls into my arms; a kiss and a hug
It's over

And I am smiling!!!

Forever And Always

I was the shadow

That never went away

Walking where you walked

Every..single..day

You never got mad

Or told me to leave

You'd simply smile and respond

For that, to you I would cleave

You were my hero

The one I would see

When I needed guidance

Someone to rescue me

I loved your face, your smile

Always sweet and sincere

No bad words from your mouth

Did I ever hear

You could never do wrong

To my innocent heart

My best friend forever

I always knew from the start

I'll love you forever

And always, you see?

My hero, my best friend

My Mother, you'll always be

Do You See Me?

I know you saw
The mess I made
As you walked down the hall
Yes, it was mine

But do you see me?
You say I am still in pajamas
And my hair still stands on end
But where am I?

Look, look and you will see
A little child longing for safety
Hoping to be seen

I don't run to you anymore
When I am afraid
My blankie took on that job
You didn't seem to understand
The fear that I felt

Look at me
I am you, once upon a time
Do you remember that little child
Who just wanted to be loved?
I am that child now
Love me, hold me

Do you see me?

I Was Just A Child Then

I was just a child then
When lives were torn in two
He went left She went right
They didn't know what else to do

I thought our family was perfect
Nothing in the world could tear us apart
Now I know that I was naive
Clueless from the start

I remember the day Dad left
One big tear is all I could see
That day, his face
Will forever haunt my memory

'Nothing will ever be the same', I thought
I soon found that I was right
Everything was different
Except the crying would happen every night

I used to want them together again
So my life would feel complete
But now I know that wouldn't do
There are people we needed to meet

Now I can say
That my life didn't end
Our family grew in time
And our lives did mend

Everything IS different
From the days I once knew
We went from a family of eight
To a family of Twenty-Two (ok 15)

When Will She Rest?

I hear her
It's the sound of nature weeping
Mother Earth cries to the Lord;
"Wo, wo is me the mother of men;
When shall I rest?"

She sends forth turmoil
To show her weariness
Earthquakes in divers places
Tsunami's where peace resided

Why does wickedness prevail?
When will we repent
And have compassion
For our Mother Earth
Whom God created?

Enoch wept at the sound of her voice
And plead with God to stop her pain
Repent ye, repent ye
For the day of the Lord
Is nigh at hand
And the earth will rest!!

I Spoke To God Today

I spoke to God today
But I didn't have to say a word
I told him that I was lost
Didn't know where else to turn

I told him about the laundry, not done
The dishes, overflowing
The kids, crying, always crying
I even told him that some things
Were unfair
Can you say that to God?

After that was said
The complaints kept coming
'I haven't showered in days'
'I've forgotten what food tastes like'
'When's it my turn for happiness?'

And then I listened
I heard mostly silence
And then understanding seeped in
I felt overwhelming love and devotion
From One who knows all

After a while, I stood
Many thoughts running through my mind
The only thing absent was me
I thought of my daughter
I hope she can forgive me for yelling
My son, I'm sorry for walking away
My Father in Heaven
I thank Thee for strength
To steady my hand
Strength to love and to give

I promised God I would try
To make my children laugh..more
To dance with them..more
To love them..more
I promised I would be..more
What can I say..more?

Still Singing

In my mind he is still singing
I can hear him in the distance
His laughter ringing through the breeze
I look over to see a tree swaying
It reminds me of him dancing

A radio is playing, it's a guitar that I hear
I can see his fingers
Move so swiftly as he plays
I believe he still plays
All I have to do is close my eyes
And there he is playing just for me

He's not gone, just out of my sight
Now I sit and play the guitar
I know he can hear me
I like to think of him singing

picture by Ryan Ottley

A Friend Gone, But Not Forgotten

Up the stairs I begin to climb
Stopping to scope the view from time to time
How I love this playhouse of mine
'Finally I'm at the top', I cheer
Don't look down, it's heights that I fear

I stand in amazement, wonder and awe
Of my backyard and the beauty I saw
Oh what fun I would have
In my gynormous backyard
Just me in my playhouse
As a pilot in the Guard

All day long I would play and play
Then tears would come at the end of the day
'Cause it would get late, and I'd be called in
That's when the crying would begin

In bed I'd lay dreaming of my wonderful day
I'd dream mostly of my backyard
And what fun I'd have tomorrow as I play

Years have passed and I no longer see
The backyard that, for many years
Had sheltered me
From the world I now know
And the world that I fear


But my memories of that backyard
Greet me like a friend I used to know
A friend I long to see
A friend I knew long ago

Sweet Slumber

I knelt by your bedside

Memories of sweeter days

Running through my head

As I sat beside you

Nothing from my mouth

Could be said

You were so weak and frail

Your hand lay gently in mine

All I could do was sit quietly

Thinking the words would come in time

And then I sang to you

The words rolled off my tongue

When I came to you

I thought nothing could be done

My eyes still shed their tears

But feelings changed

Peace was felt

No more fears, No more fears

The words I sang

Spoke peace to my heart

They helped me accept

That we could be apart

Let me sit awhile

And watch you slumber

As the angels file in

In countless number

Soon they will take you

And I will sit alone

So for now

I will sing to you this song:

"There let the way appear

Steps unto heav'n

All that thou sendest me

In mercy giv'n

Angels to beckon me

Nearer my God to thee

Nearer my God to thee

Nearer to thee!"

A Penny For My Thoughts

If I had a penny for every moment
Your smile entered my memory
For every tear that was shed
From the joy you brought to my life
I would have millions

I would travel to far lands
And see things you've never seen
I would climb the highest mountains
Swim the deepest oceans
Walk the hottest deserts
I would do it all

I would live my life to the fullest
As if you were there beside me
Taking in the view
That's what I would do

But for now
My thoughts remain penniless
Yet I am rich
For having seen the world
Through your eyes
While I had the chance

Now that's worth millions...

I'm On A Journey

I'm on a journey to eternity

My life holds meanings beyond
Look at the stars, see how they glow
My, oh my, I'll never know
Where my thoughts will lead me
Take me away to the stars
They know where they fit in
To each constellation
Not one of them left out
Take me away into a peaceful revery
I want to feel as free as a dove
For peace speaks its name
Who am I in this huge universe?
Suddenly I am alone
Why am I so scared?
Peace fills my heart
Someone is thinking of me
He cares about my sorrow
When I'm feeling blue
He surrounds me with
Sunlight and starry nights
And rain drops that kiss my tears away
I'm on a journey, I'm on a quest
My life is just one big test
Don't know which way I'll go
Or who I'll know
But I'll know when I get there
Where I should be
I'm scared, I'm confused
What if I go the wrong way?
Perched beside me, a dove
I'll follow this dove to see where it leads
I don't feel scared anymore
Someone heard my prayers
And calmed my fears
He sent me peace
And it lead me to eternity
As I look at the stars
I see they know
Where they fit into this big universe
I'm starting to see
Where I fit in
I am happy

If My Life Were A Poem

If my life were a poem
What would it say?
Would it be funny
Or sad or just gay?
If my life were a poem
Would it be happy?
Would you smile after you read it?
Or would it be too sappy?
If my life were a poem
You would want to keep reading
You would laugh and cry
I think you would be pleading for more
If my life were a poem
Such sorrow would be felt
Oh, the tears that would fall
From the pain that was dealt
If my life were a poem
You would see the heavens open up
As you witness the water of life and love
That has filled my cup
If my life were a poem
You would clearly see
That it was God's hand all along
Who was writing it for me

Questions

Are you there?
Can you hear me?
I am told that heaven is here on earth.

Were you there at my wedding?
Have you seen my children?
They are beautiful, aren't they.
Did you see him take his first step?
Did you hear when she said her first word?
They know who you are when I speak your name
Life without you just isn't the same.

How will I know when I am touching your face?
My hand reaches out, all I feel is empty space
Is your hand on mine right now?
Are you helping me along?
I can still hear your voice singing me a song
I hope you know I love you
I think of you all the time

When I think of you and begin to cry
Please do not be sad
I just miss you
And the good times that we had

The flowers are still blooming
Life still goes on
Just to know that you are
And forever will be a part of me
Makes me happy

My tears have changed from sadness to gladness
From sorrow to joy
To know that you are forever
My brother, a friend
And Mama's little boy

Unspoken Love

As I sit staring at these white walls
I feel helpless and afraid
Does anyone understand my sorrow?
I feel nothing but pain

Impatience and anger fill my soul
How could this happen to us?
Why to us?

My mother lies in that bed
Not knowing where she is or who is here
Will she ever know
What her choices have done to us?

Finally after all this waiting
"She's awake, come in one by one"
Eyes turn toward me
My time has come to face her

Will she know who I am?
Will she know of my suffering?
Do I know the extent of her suffering?
I wonder if I should hug her
.......I will.....

I walk towards her bed
My arms open wide
And a smile on my face
To hide what's inside

For a moment I feel like a parent
Comforting a child
Anger fades for a moment
And lets love enter in
I am blessed
I am blessed