The Gathering Place

My mind is a gathering place
For these thoughts running wild
Thoughts that can't be ignored
They're both x-rated and spiritually mild

Thoughts of you, your body, your smell
All in one corner of this boxing ring
Thoughts of the Gospel and the peace that dwells
In the other corner to battle it out for the win

Why can't these thoughts get along in one space?
It's either one or the other
Never combining forces in this place
The battle is raging, ever raging

Today I choose one side, tomorrow another
As insanity creeps in and I lie shaking
I call for help, peace, I just need to smother
These thoughts that keep pulling me in every direction

Come hold me and calm my shaking soul
Sing me a song to dull this pain
This battle will rage on, like swirling water in a toilet bowl
Until I am no more..but, I have no end

So, rage on, this battle of mine
Storm this gathering place in my head
"Love is a Battlefield", this is the song this time
A song for every thought..every thought

The music won't die down
These chains won't be set free
Until I choose a side forever
And forever be stuck in this sea

Of deep sorrow for love lost on the other side
Of this raging battle for my selfish pride
No need to mourn for little ol' me
I'll be battling these thoughts
Cause they're a part of me

Today I choose one, tomorrow another
This gathering place isn't for the weak
So please don't bother
Come in if you love me enough to get hurt

Come in to this gathering place
All thoughts are welcome
But, put on your gloves and watch for cheap hits
I know, it's not fair... no really...it's the shits

Does It Hurt To Grow Wings? (Aug. 24, 2015)

Does it hurt to grow wings? Does it tear at your skin? Do you bleed and ache? is it possible to grin?

Will I be able to breath? Will it hurt to even sigh? Is there hope for life? Or will I curl up and die?

Why is it dark? Why do I feel alone? Will I be able to see you? Or will darkness be my home?

What is this aching in the center of my chest? I'm afraid to feel pain, afraid I'll never rest.

Don't leave me alone, in this cold and dark place. Let the light in, so that I can see your face.

I'm never alone? Is that what you said? You'll be in my heart? Take the pain from my head?

How will I know, when black is all I can see? Please tell me, please. How can this be?

What is this warmth I feel from out there? How is this pain eased, when all I said was a prayer?

Are you listening out there? To my every painful plea? Did you send in this warmth because you love me?

Why am I not scared in this dark abyss? The fear was just here..what did I miss?

I feel calm in this place, more so than ever.. I feel something changing.. Is it a feather?

A wing, you say? Are they really showing? It still hurts like before, but, something IS growing!

Forgive me for questioning.. I trust that you know.. What's best for me to experience, in order to grow.

Does it hurt to grow wings? I ask Him again.. it hurts, little one, and it will till the end.

Why does change hurt, when I'm doing what's right? Why am I still crying, still waking in the night?

You'll always know when your heart is rearranging.. because, if it doesn't hurt.. then, nothing is changing..

Prayer Changes Things (Dec. 2013)

I kneel to pray one Autumn day That more faith be sent my way.. I kneel and wait, but to my dismay, The answer came, just not that day.. Time passed by and I was struck, Not with faith, but with bad luck.. My faith was tried, my testimony shook, Peace and comfort, for these I did look.. "Nevermind, dear Father..it hurts too bad, Gaining faith shouldn't be so sad".. I looked at life, angry and seething, Prayer changes things, For that, I was grieving.. Months pass by..heart, broken and cold, Begins to thaw, faith begins to hold.. A prayer of thanks, a precious daughter, This I know, is loved by her Father.. "Father, I thank Thee.. For giving me this test of faith And eyes that now see".. My prayer of faith, Not long ago, Has changed things, This I know.. Prayer changes things, I hope you see, Not only that...Prayer has changed me..

Tuneless Day(unfinished)

I awoke with a smile
all merry and bright
my face was a gleaming
my spirit alight

The kids are so awnry
they yell and they scream
But nothing could dampen my spirits
or so, it did seem

Clean up the clutter
and blankets, I did
then to the radio I went
pushed that button (just like a kid)

That radio lit up
like the lights on a tree
but no sound did come out
how could this be?

No music to fill my day with song?
No music to which I could sing along?
my smile, the one that would not go away
it happened, my smile, did go astray
(to be continued....)

With Love

It was just yesterday, it seems
You lay in my arms
The smell of your breath
After bottle is through
Breathing steadily

Kissing your tiny hands
And little bald head
I kept you safe in my arms
No one could harm you

But these arms can't hold you forever
They are way ahead of my heart
Which holds every memory
Especially of you

Taking care of you was easy then
Compared to now
If crying wouldn't end
A bottle was there to save the day

Now that you can talk
So many questions are asked
From your gentle heart
Until now, I've never had to explain 'why'

Can I hold you one more time?
This I ask you every day
I wish you would slow down
Fall asleep in my arms

You are my life
Because of you, I am complete
I pray that you continue to succeed
Never give up

Just one request
From dear ol' mom
Remember to stop
And give hugs along the way

With love